Conviction

What do you fear? What makes you doubt yourself so? Why do you belittle your own potential? I've asked myself this question so many times. I've answered  it so many times. Maybe it's that I'm being held back? or I'm too young and being pressured? I keep putting excuses in my way as to why I shouldn't be great. As these excuses clout my mind like dark clouds on a rainy day, I begin to realise my decline. Slowly by freeing the lease on my decisions and handing it over to someone else, I become comfortable. The same very circumstance I thought I was running away from. I begin to play it safe. My dreams have now become like domesticated birds; they will always have the potential to fly but they know they never will. They will lift off from the ground at rare occasions, but they will never soar into the sky. I know this, I feel this, yet I do nothing. I realise one vital fact about myself though. I lack conviction. I lack that constant energetic fervour that pours through the vein of great people. I have seen it in people around me. This conviction makes them move with solid form through a world of liquid mushy uncertainty. Conviction gives them form and structure. Conviction gives them a purpose. Not having conviction is terrible. it is like existing in an inertial limbo. The certainties of before become the uncertainties of now and the failures of tomorrow. A lack of conviction leads you into a lazy comfortable life of pushing your choices away. You give up yourchoices to the arbitrary bliss of fate.

From time to time, something shakes me up. something that gives me reassurance like receiving a debit alert. It comes in flashes through the norm that is my everyday life. It reminds me repeatedly to be on my toes. It reminds that being comfortable will not hide me from my responsibility. Giving excuses is about being below the bar. Being safe is about staying where you are without having to justify not being where you can be and where you want to be. I might not have conviction, but I believe I faith. I faith in myself, my potential and ability. I have faith that I can excel, I have faith that I can do better and that I will do better. Faith is another form of conviction. It is gentler in its tips and messages. It hides in a motivational word, or an inspirational deed. It is the encouraging friends, the admirable brother, the patience, the sweet tenderness of a lovely sister. I have so much life around me, I have no choice but be alive. I have to wrestle fate to take control of my own destiny. The beauty of life is in living it, not in hiding from it.